How to Get People to Turn You Down

How You Ask

            “You probably wouldn’t want to being that it is such a tedious and time consuming job but I thought I would ask you anyway.” 

            “I don’t know much about what the job entails but you know it is important and only takes three years and you will probably be on the property committee.” 

            “Listen, we are really desperate because we are up against a deadline and five people have turned us down already.  Would you do it?” 

            Contrast the above with the knock at the door of the pastor’s study.  The little church was a four hour drive from Richmond, VA.  Pastor Mayes opened the door surprised to see the President of Union Seminary standing there.  “Jim, may I come in?”  What ensued was a story and a request and an invitation.  The man who was so busy had made time for a personal visit to convey that the faculty of the venerable institution had met and prayed for many weeks about the future of the seminary and particularly of the Old Testament department.  They had felt led through that process, and in a unanimous way, to ask Pastor Mayes to get a PhD at their expense and then become one of the seminary professors.  How is this “ask” different than the three above? 

            Sometimes it isn’t that good people turn us down as much as we asked in such a way as that it was almost bound to happen.  Don’t you want to know when asked to do something what the job entails, how much time it will take, who you will be doing it with, the grand themes of the leadership, the decision making process behind the request, why you are thought to be qualified?  Too often people have been asked to be an elder and what is in their mind is three hour meetings over the color of the carpet in fellowship hall and cantankerous church politics.  An unless you have a perverse penchant for that sort of thing, you guilt yourself into doing it or you say, “Please, shoot me instead.” 

Like Leader Like People -- Part III

This is the third installment regarding advice or instructions for a nominating committee. 

Eighth, walk through this process with honesty, grace, and confidentiality.  None of us is perfect and none of us knows perfectly.  Nevertheless, we must talk honestly.  We may disqualify someone without looking down on them.  So we give ourselves this permission and it only works if we maintain that our deliberations are confidential.  The group may say what the limits of this are with respect to spouse. 

Ninth, I prefer that everyone finds out who is on the slate at the same time and I prefer it to happen at the congregational meeting or the week just prior.  This saves us from last minute second guessing of the committee by the congregation or them politicking for an alternate.  Alternates, of course, are permissible from the floor.  Note, however, that the extra name adds to our ballot without the benefit of committee discussion or candidate prayer.  It also lead to votes in which someone wins and someone loses. 

Tenth, pray not only before and after and in-between meetings but during them as well. 

Eleventh, how a person is asked makes a difference in how they respond and serve.  If the asking is lackadaisical, the person’s chance of saying no may increase.  And if they say yes, their serving may reflect that this wasn’t all that important. We’ll talk about how to ask in the most meaningful ways.  Please, if you are asked to ask someone, contact them not with the invite but with a request to meet in person with the pastor.

Twelth, your pastors are ex-officio members meaning that they serve on this committee perpetually.  They are also without vote.  But they are not without voice.  Don’t meet without a quorum.  Don’t meet without the pastors. 

Thirteenth, the nominating committee is for the year in the event that any vacancies arise.

Fourteenth, a simple process for moving along to a final slate is to have everyone bring a pre-determined number of names, to list them, to have everyone vote for their top four (or however many names are being placed on the slate), to tally and drop those without votes, and to refine the list further by discussion plus further voting.  A permutation on this method is to rank order each person’s top four candidates with the tally reflecting the rank position (for example, Joe Smith 1 +3 +1 +1 =6 and Mary Jones 2+ 2+ 3 +3 =10).  Discuss and refine by voting from those with the best scores.

Thank you for your service to Jesus Christ and this church. 

Like Leader, Like People -- Part II

I'm continuing my thoughts for nominating committees.  It gets us all thinking about leadership and church.  Maybe one day you'll be asked to either be on the nominating committee or to be an elder.  I hope this helps.

Fourth, many non-profit and for-profit boards are put together in the light of tasks that need to be done.  So an accountant is recruited for the financial task, a carpenter for facilities management, a public relations person for handling media, etceteras.  While Paul says that different spiritual gifts are like different body parts, this is brought up for the church as a whole rather than for a session.  In fact, notice that in Romans 12:8 there is the gift of leadership.  The session is built around the leadership task not around specific organizational tasks. 

Fifth, the gift of leadership prompts me to suggest this differentiation for nominating committees:  needed to qualify, required to play, must have to win.  Needed to qualify is that the committee should not consider unless this minimum is in the candidate’s life.  Required to play is that the committee should not consider this person seriously unless these additional qualities are present.  Must have to win refers to those qualities which would lead a nominating committee to make a candidate a finalist.  I would suggest that being a Christian or being nice does not qualify a person for consideration.  The person rather must be, in addition to being a Christian, growing spiritually and involved regularly in the life of the congregation and ministry to the world.  To play, the requirements would be that he or she is balanced, is leading in the church somewhere somehow, attends, gives, and has vision.  To win a place on the final slate he or she must have a spiritual gift for leading, be generous of spirit (this is a sign of grace and faith operating in a person’s life), and be confirmed by the Spirit to the group in prayer.

Staff members, their spouses, and the spouses of current elders are not eligible.  On occasion, someone from the nominating committee itself is suggested.  The issue here is whether the committee can, after having that person recluse him or herself from the discussion, still have that person re-enter and in the voting time be truly turned down.  The committee will have to decide about this should it come up.

Sixth, sometimes it comes across to me in organizations and in the PCUSA that we should be following a quota system.  We need a young person, a person from the women’s ministries, a person who is very denominational and another who is not, and so on.  I don’t subscribe to that as our reality.  What I see in scripture is a priority on the quality of spiritual maturity.  After that, I see in scripture also, that we are to seek balance in terms of gender, age, ethnicity, and other socio-economic factors.  I do not believe that spiritual maturity or the gift of spiritual leadership is limited by gender or age or race or economics.

Seventh, beware of people with low self-esteem, a need for prominence or power, and a stingy-ness of heart.  Not that these are not true of all of us from time to time but these conditions as prevailing in a person’s make-up leads to competitiveness, criticalness, and a “tightness” that are harmful to the well-being of the church.  And, pay attention to any inner concerns you may have regarding a candidate’s moral integrity.

Sometimes someone will nominate a person with the thought that this will help them become involved or mature spiritually.  They should already be at that point. 

Look around at who’s doing what.  Most of the time spiritually mature people are not un-involved wall flowers.  No, they are already showing love and doing stuff.  Sometimes that makes them look busy and we don’t want to burden them.  Well, a lot of time busy people know how to get stuff done.  And a lot of time what’s being asked of them is more strategic than what they are doing and they should trade the less strategic contribution for the more.  And let’s err on the side of asking them and letting them answer for them rather than us answer for them.

Like Leader, Like People -- Part I

Not every pastor will share the same information with an elder nominating committee but this is the information that I share.

First, this is a very important job.  It need not take a lot of time but that doesn’t minimize its importance.  The importance comes down to this:  leaders set the direction, pace, and tone for a church (where we go, how fast we go, and our manner as we go there).  If the person is inhospitable, for example, the congregation will eventually become inhospitable.  Hosea 4:9 says, “Like leaders, like people.”  The nominating committee is about bringing to the congregation a considered list of the best leaders for them to select for the life of the church. 

Second, there is in scripture a principle of delegated authority intended for progress in ministry.  Exodus 18:21-25 illustrates the principle.  Moses selects capable persons to assist him with the work of leading the Hebrew people.  Understand that this is not a board of directors over Moses but a team of assistants under him.  The chain of leadership influence is that Jesus sets the direction, pace, and tone for pastors, pastors for elders, elders for congregation, and congregation for community.

Third, the delegated authority is also instructional.  I Timothy 3:2 says elders are to be able to teach and the other qualities of life are those that are to be imitated.  Hebrews 13:7 and 17 say that the leaders should be respected and imitated.  A very simple way of looking at ministry is that it is the personal life of devotion brought to the level of public influence. 

A Special Call

I have a friend, Ron, who is pastor in Texas.  He has kind of a gravelly voice and I can still hear him telling me about a conversation in a new church that began in an unnerving way for him.  I think it was the way the man approached him and made eye contact.  But it ended up as a conversation of great blessing. 

The man said, “Pastor, do you know who I am?” 

Ron replied, “No.” 

“I am a man who will take a bullet for the pastor of this church.”

Now fast forward several years and I will give you a conversation as a pastor with a church member of my own.  Steve seemed very quiet to me.  Maybe he was shy or uncomfortable around church.  I couldn’t tell.  But the first words I remember hearing from Steve were, “I have a special call.  I am called to help pastors.  So whatever you need, please let me know.  Is there a way I can help you today?” 

I know that there are stories of pastors who are bulls-in-a-china-shop.  And they need love plus truth just like everyone else.  But there are also a lot of stories of pastors getting roundly criticized.  I, personally, remember an elder telling members, and doing so in front of me, "Never trust a pastor."  Well, you know how in a marriage you can sort of love yourself if you’ll love your partner deeply?  The same is true in a church.  I say, "If you love your church, love your pastor!" 

There is no pastor who’s perfect.  There’s no church member who’s perfect.  I like the small group curriculum where everyone begins by asking for forgiveness because in the course of doing real life together we’re going to offend one another.  Let’s admit the difficulties we all face in doing church together and move forward. 

Paul tells us to esteem and honor church leaders.  It is a tough job being out in front and viewed by many, many others who can be armchair quarterbacks.  So let’s watch gossip.  Let’s shovel on encouragement and prayers. 

Great Church Today

I just looked up there --  communion table set with the bread and cup, backpacks filled with tissues and pencils to be donated to kids all packed around the table's legs, the choir back from a summer break and three ladies set to lead in a special song, a butcher paper mural with the church's history ready to be drawn is furled across the front of the platform, and on it are tennis shoes filled with money to help buy school children new shoes.  Ohh, forgot to mention the 2 cents-a-meal offering for the poor and hungry.  And after we did church there in the sanctuary we were going to do church in the fellowship hall with pot-luck!  Kooky songs came with the dessert.  What a day!

An Easy Way to Give to Missions

I love to support missions.  A super easy way is to make your Amazon.com orders by going to that site by first coming here.  Amazon has a set-up where if you make a purchase on their site but got to it by going through someone else's site, they'll contribute a small percentage of the sale (2-3%) to that someone else's site.  The box on this page is dedicated to supporting missions, especially Compassion International (existing to release children from poverty in Jesus' name).  I hope you will set up a bookmark on your computer and phone so you can make your Amazon orders in a way that supports missions.  Tell your friends, too.